The Broke Asking the Broker

So for this trip, I have to come up with a good bit of money. Roughly $3,000, give or take. I surely don't have this kind of fundage laying around for a rainy day, let alone a legitimate trip somewhere. So I knew right off the bat I wouldn't be able to pay for the trip all by my onesie. But one thing the church is encouraging the team to do is to ask our friends and family for money to support us financially on the trip.

Uggggggggggggh.

Let me tell you how much I hate doing this. I have never been good at accepting money from people. I don't like to do it at all. I'd rather let a bill go unpaid than borrow from a friend or family. It's something that's always been with me. It's not a pride thing...trust me, I have no problem asking people for other things when I need them. But I think what bothers me about this is the obligation of it. If I ask someone for money, I don't want them to give it to me based on obligation. I think that is one of the sickest feelings in the world...to feel like you are being guilted into doing something. And I don't want people to do it out of obligation or guilt, I want them to do it only if they really and truly desire to do so. Those of you close to me know about my whole "...releasing myself from all obligatory feelings..." rant, so I won't repeat it here, but you catch the drift.

Also, besides the whole 'not wanting to induce guilt and obligation' reasoning, I do have another reason why this idea of "fundraising" makes my skin crawl, and here it is...

...my friends are as poor as I am! How can I ask my friends to give money to me for a voluntary expense when I know they have their own necessities to tend to...mortgage payment, groceries, children, electricity? I can't handle it.

Here is the breakdown of my circle of friends/family I could pool from, and following each of them is my excuse (lame though it may be) for why I am uncomfortable asking that group for money:

• 1/4 of my friends/family are as broke as I am, and I know they can't afford to even donate $50 to my trip (as mentioned before).
  
• Another 1/4 of my friends are already going on the same trip, and are trying to raise $3,000 for their own way. I can't possibly say to someone "Hey, Kim- you know that trip that we're both going on in December? Wanna give me $150 for it?"
  
• 1/4 of my family/friends do not support the idea of me going to Kenya and ministering to the people of that country at all, so I clearly cannot ask them to give me money for the trip.
  
• And that leaves me with 1/4 of my friends/family to tap for some money, but I STILL feel uncomfortable about that.

So, there's the breakdown. Which I was heavily dwelling on for a while. A looong while.

Then God gave me a good swift kick in the butt, and I realized that it's not up to me to pre-decide who can and cannot, will and will not help me with this trip. It is up to me to have faith that God will provide, and not to build up barriers around His work.

Sooooo, after that sunk in, I sat down to draw up my fundraising letters. Still a little apprehensive, but trusting they will reach hands of those who will support me (if not financially, then with prayer and support while we are in Kenya.)

All of that said...
If you are one of the few who received a support letter from me: Please know I don't want you to feel obligated or guilted into giving money. This is a decision I want you to consider heavily before you do or don't do anything.

If you did not receive a support letter from me, but would like to: Wow, that would be awesome. Just contact me at andybrame@yahoo.com, and I'll get you the info.

Also, if you all want to go ahead and support me on this trip by simply praying for me, that would be FANTASTIC, 'cuz I'll need it. Pray for me to have faith that God will provide. Pray that my heart and the hearts of the other team members will be prepared to show God's love to the people in Kenya. Pray for safety in travels. Pray for our health before and during the trip. And pray for the hearts of the Kenyans, that they will be open to God and his love.